Not yet.... not yet....

Extraneous simpering

2009-07-07T07:11:00.003+05:30

Yes, it's been a while. Why? Because the physical act of moving my fingers over the keyboard to type complete and meaningful sentences that don't end in 'lol' or a random smiley taxes my brain a bit too much. Okay, or, I'm incurably lazy. In fact, I would have preferred dictating this to a speech to text converter. But, for that, I'd need to spend a good two hours setting it up, configuring it, voice training it, and would contradict my laziness. There, I've generated my very own paradoxical scenario.

I've just realized the potential of a good story. A good story is essentially a mixture of 70% fact and 30% fiction. So, you learn something new and interesting, while having fun doing it. Fact is more important than fiction, even in fiction books. There is always an underlying theory that is "extrapolated" to fictionalize the story. And to tell a good story, you need to be a great writer. It's not something just anyone can do. In fact, the hardest piece of writing is not a 1000+ page epic novel with meandering sub-plots and dozens of memorable characters. It's writing a 5 or 6 page children's book, in simple, plain, short sentences.

Straightforward plot, no violence, no swearing, and no words longer than six letters. Plus it has to be interesting enough to hold a kid's attention. They have an attention span of like 10 seconds, so, it's not even close to easy.

Anyway, if you've reached this part, you must be feeling pretty confident there's a story coming. So, here it is.

I had a friend back during my school days, let's call him Rez for now. I was too brilliant for my own good, and a nerd of the highest order. Rez wasn't too bright and practically struggled throughout school. Oh, yeah, before I forget, at my school, nerds weren't beaten up, or ridiculed, as is the norm you've seen, or grown accustomed to. Nerd-bashing is a concept that's probably evolved in the USA where the dumb fatasses make up the majority. So, nerds were like this uber-cool group of people who could pretty much do whatever they want, and get away with it, and nobody would raise a finger. So, most of us were snobbish, rude, conceited pricks who thought squat about rules and played deviously brilliant mindgames amongst ourselves, against the 'lesser' minds, and some of these were pretty cruel, when I reflect upon them. Back to the story, it was in the middle of a social science class in the 3rd grade, and it was time to check our homeworks, the teacher announced. And she sat behind her wooden desk, beckoning us over imperiously, thick wooden ruler in hand, ready to beat the shit out of some very scared 8 year olds. Of course, the instant divide in the classroom was obvious, with those of us who'd completed our homeworks relaxed and smirking slightly, while the kids who 'forgot' and those who 'hoped the teacher wouldn't remember', and those who 'thought they'd finish it during class', were already half-scared to death. Yes, notebooks were being traded at a furious pace, while the inspection began, from the last benches, mostly due to their worldwide infamous reputation. So, I was sitting in the 2nd row, and feeling bored, because kids that age hate sitting in one spot, doing nothing, and there's only so much you can talk about when you're 8. Then Rez, sitting in the first row, turns to me and whispers... "Please give me your notebook.."
The idle mind is indeed the devil's workshop. I was bored out of my skull, and now pondered about how to pass some time, and toy around with Rez. I asked him, with all of my 8 year-old maturity... "What will you do for it?"
I was feeling cocky, and real powerful. I had something he wanted, real bad. He could have asked anyone sitting around him, but he wanted to be 100% sure he got the best work, or at least, one that guaranteed he wouldn't have to feel the cane on his skin in a short while. He said, with all his 8 year-old naivety, "Anything you want.. anything".
Now I was thinking, this is a golden opportunity to show the kind of power I have here, I should maximize this chance.. I shouldn't waste this on trivialities, and so, I stated my terms. He blinked twice and looked thoroughly shocked, and at a loss for words. After stuttering for a while, he tried, without any real conviction.. "Please?"
8 year-olds dont understand ego. So, I didnt laugh it off and tell him it was a joke.. of course he could have my book, it's no big deal. Instead, I said, "No, you said you'll do anything. So, if you don't do it, then I can't help you."
Hesitation, pleading, a bit of bewilderment on his face.. "Please, anything else."
I sat like a stone, thoroughly disinterested and watching a few kids trying to read comics by stuffing them inbetween their textbooks.
He tried bargaining... "Okay, I swear, after class, I'll do it. Please, after class."
No chance, I wasn't stupid enough to believe him. I knew I'd never even consider doing what I'd asked him to do, if I were in his place.And I knew he was running out of time.
With a defeated look, he said, "Okay, promise you'll give me the book?"
I nodded. He looked around, trying to find a time-period when most of the kids were distracted, and talking amongst each other,he tried to get the attention of my closest rival nerd. Let's call him Pez. "Pez, look here... look here.", and when Pez did look at him, Rez unzipped his fly and pulled out his penis and said, "Look, I'm touching it.", and then looked at me for approval. Pez was mortified, to say the least, and looked at him, and then at me, with shock, and disgust. I was laughing like an all-powerful god, and looking at Pez, with a clear message that, in today's lingo, would translate into something along the lines of, "Who's your daddy now?"
Rez reached out expectantly for my notebook, and pleaded, "You promised... you promised... please.. I did it... I showed him". I looked at Pez, I knew he was in shock as well, and I had his full and undivided attention. He was observing me, now that he understood why Rez flashed him. I told Rez, "Now put your finger in your mouth".
He was already broken. I knew that he would strip naked if I'd told him to. I just wanted to affix my superiority in front of Pez. Rez quickly touched his finger to his tongue and then put his head on the desk. He made quite a show of wiping his tongue on his shirt and making spitting noises, trying to get the whole scene over with, and appease me. Pez was horrified, and turned away, silently, the shock still evident on his features. I held out my notebook and Rez, grabbed at it, fearing a further change of mind.
Of course, I tried publicizing the event over break, when I had more listeners, and Rez staunchly denied doing any such thing. Pez wasn't anywhere in the vicinity, and so I felt a bit disappointed in not involving a third party, who would do all the narration. Rez forgot about the whole thing quite soon, and I never mentioned it since. Pez transferred to another class the next day, and didn't talk to me for a very long time. It wasn't the result I intended to achieve, but, now, I had position of chief nerd all to myself, and the chance to create my own gang. -<>- TBC

Right, before you judge me for the sick bastard I seem to be, I was 8. I was in a desert. There were no girls in the class. There was very limited scope for entertainment. Kids do stupid shit.

So, now that I have your undivided attention, how much of it is fact? And how much is fiction? :)

Obscure prose

2009-03-07T04:29:00.004+05:30

There's something about Indian writers and their reluctance to write books in simple english. No, they have to go for the grad-school level mumbo-jumbo that sends even those of us with a fairly competent vocabulary searching for a dictionary. And each time that happens, overall interest in the book is lost, and it ends up on a bookshelf, joining many other unfinished likenesses. Yeah, I've kind of never kept books that I really liked. I've either lost them due to neglect, or lent them to someone else, or thrown them away when I ran out of space on my desk.

The books that stick around are the ones I'm being forced to read, or ones that I've found okayish, but not so great as to warrant immediate perusal, so, maybe on a rainy day and there's no internet... and there's the irony in it... Whenever someone used to come by my room, at some point the conversation would focus on the books i had so prominently displayed on my shelf. Of course, people would assume I've kept the books there because they're amazing, or worth a reread, and bleh, it's really hard to make small talk about books you haven't got the faintest clue about, even though they're like 3 feet away from you.

So, I devised a workaround for that, sometime after the fifth or sixth such awkward conversation. It's the noncommittal follow-the-lead method.

Q. Oh, you've got xxxx ... have you finished it?
A. Yes, have you read it?

The answer will determine the direction of the remainder of your conversation...

If it's yes, you ask if they enjoyed the book, and what they felt about it.. do not interrupt their answer, the more they talk, the more info you get. Answer any questions they have in between, with a shrug or a 'meh'. Agree with whatever it is they're saying, and you'll have a pretty smooth ride..

If it's no, lend them the book, and say it's pretty great.

Yeah, I've got a whole set of Q/A's which are applicable universally, but I'm too lazy to type em out... maybe some other time.

Reality and beyond

2009-03-04T03:16:00.003+05:30

This should have been a comment, but there's only so much you can convey with a comment. To give you perspective... I'm not there...

Role of B/W

Schindler's List, is completely in B/W. There are many others, but there is a reason why I've chosen this movie as my basis. It has nothing to do with the environment, thoughts or feelings. I'm Not There is essentially a biopic, like SL. There is fact, and there is fiction. There are only stories about Oscar Schindler, these may not be entirely true. But there are verifiable accounts of Dylan's life. So, in portraying all of SL in B/W, that's the primary message... that this is a reconstruction of those events to the best of our knowledge. And for INT, the interspersed B/W scenes serve the same purpose, these are merely recounts of certain incidents, we're not entirely sure what exactly happened, but here's the gist of it... INT is 7 different short movies blended into one long tale, with a lot of unanswered questions, and in theory, the scenes in color are fact, and those in B/W are borderline fiction. I don't want to elaborate, trust that you get the point.

6 actors for 1 character?

Schizophrenia, or MPD. That's what the director was pushing at. Dylan doesnt have one distinct personality. I think that answers the one regarding Cate Blanchett as well.

Different names...

Again, this is about what the director wants to portray. He separates each personality trait, gives it a name and a face, and gives us six different Dylans just how they would turn out to be, if they had that trait as the defining one.

Public life.. private life.. fake life

A biopic isnt essentially a documentary. It can be a mockumentary of sorts with various "what if" scenarios introduced in between.

History and timeline

There are two ways to tell a story.. chronological and factual. One follows a strict timeline, and the other explains details and incidents whenever the "fact" is mentioned for the first time. Quentin Tarantino is a master of this storytelling method.

The next few thoughts can be answered by the genre of the film. This is what a biopic looks like.

The outlaw thing..

Read Shantaram. You will not find a better answer to that question.

Btw, IMDB is not as reliable as it used to be. That's what happens when you mix honest criticism with blatant commercialism.

#103

2009-02-19T14:49:00.003+05:30

Today I'm celebrating Vh1 day. Well, not by choice, anyway.. I think the remote batteries are dead, and I'm too lazy to walk the 2 metres or so and change the channel. But I'm willing to go to the kitchen and grab me another can of beer. And after three of those, I realize with some amount of disdain, Vh1 sucks. So much for watching music videos on tv all day.

And I'm out of milds! Oh the horror.... wish I could order those online and have them delivered by crow or pigeon. Well yeah, I'm feeling that lazy now, and the window's open. Fuck you Vh1! This is beginning to sound like someone banging a cat against a pole.

Manchester United won in style yesterday. No ESPN in this cable package for some reason, so we ended up watching it online in HD, haha... but that's a pretty good 600 mb investment out of the 2.5 gig limit. Mosquitoes all around. Makes life terrible at night. Shameless creatures they are. At some point yesterday I yelled "Bite me, motherfuckers" at a swarm, and they actually did. Mortein is useless, whatever those ads tell you, dont believe them. Buy a fucking mosquito net.

Oh yeah, Modi came over last night and started bitching about his intern, man... you should seriously try listening to modi talk about database query handling. I dont have a good analogy for that yet, but soon..

Finalizing plans for a weekend at Pune now, so, fairly soon, I'll be ready to document kaloo's misadventures with his golden cycle.

#103. What's the strangest thing that's ever happened to you onstage?
A chick just climbed up and blew me. I was singing. Well, I couldn't stop, could I? But that was in the '70s when women were more liable to do that. It's a like another planet now.

hell yeah... Lemmy Kilmister is awesome.

#271

2009-02-18T12:54:00.004+05:30

"Becoming Insane" by Infected Mushroom is one of the best tracks ever, and pretty much marks the start of my day. The first 3 minutes are just the buildup!

Becoming Insane

.. and then it simply explodes on so many levels. insaneee insaneee i'm becoming insaneee insaneee, seriously the best psy-trance out there.

Pratik got a fridge two days ago, so there's chilled beer in there... :)
Which brings me to the next piece of extraordinary music... The Headbanger's Ball version of "Liar" by Korn... just brilliant.

Now let me finish that beer in peace.. with Lacuna Coil's evergreen "Swamped" ...

#271. Koyaanisqatsi

#451

2009-02-17T15:54:00.008+05:30

Haha, let's see... where do I start??

No, the title has nothing to do with Fahrenheit 451 kaloo, and no it's not just some random number. It's there for a purpose, and will be revealed when necessary, or it becomes far too obvious.

Anyhow, after a month and half of Gandhinagar air, I've come to Mumbai for a change (or so I thought, taking deep breaths of Mumbai air is pointless, unless you have a liking for the smell of warm shit). Instant travel plans always work out for me, don't know why. Brought all the essentials (ipod, phone, charger, ipod connector cable and cash). I think I'll buy clothes tomorrow.

Since this is the first post here,

The Perfect Waste of Time

there's something you can work on trying to emulate in your free time.

#451. God was smoking a cigar on the street corner.

In other news thepiratebay.org is back up again after being shut down for all of 24 hours. Some balls they have to keep giving the finger to everyone who questions their principles. Wait, there's a more technical term for that. It's called a bitchslap.

Oh and there's some sad news for us metalheads... NiN is throwing in the towel, so that's the end of their era. More on that here ..

Goodbye NiN

Consolas is the best font for coding, that is a fact. Try it, and you'll believe me.

And yeah, Facebook owns you!